No MAN ever believes that the BIBLE MEANS what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.

It's very IMPORTANT that people KNOW that I really enjoy everything that has HAPPENED to me. And I tell my kids... you're not going to be the tallest, fastest, prettiest, the best TRACK runner, but you can be the nicest human being that SOMEONE has ever met in their life. And I just want to leave that legacy that being nice is a true treasure.

Any AMERICAN who is prepared to run for PRESIDENT should automatically, by DEFINITION, be disqualified from EVER doing so.

Each of you POSSESSES the most powerful, DANGEROUS and subversive trait that natural SELECTION has ever devised. It's a piece of neural audio technology for rewiring other PEOPLE's minds. I'm talking about your language.

No siren did EVER so charm the EAR of the LISTENER as the LISTENING ear has charmed the soul of the siren.

I have a memory LIKE an ELEPHANT. I remember EVERY elephant I've EVER met.

Only the GENTLE are EVER REALLY STRONG.

I don't THINK ANYONE has EVER been CORRUPTED by a T-SHIRT.

You can't HALFWAY disrespect me EVER in my LIFE and think we are going to be OK later.

Being a HARSH, dirty comic, the last person on earth I ever EXPECTED to help my career was Jay Leno. I had always thought of PERFORMING on 'The Tonight Show' as an unachievable goal, because I bought into the myth that only squeaky CLEAN, family-friendly MATERIAL would be welcome there.

No one EVER doubts that I MEAN what I SAY. The PROBLEM is I SOMETIMES say all that I mean.

The whole London FOOTBALL SCENE is now financially more powerful and AMBITIOUS than ever before. That reflects the city's economic might and its multiculturalism. Now West Ham have a new , and Spurs and Chelsea will FOLLOW. And the London clubs have widened their areas of support.

'Indiana Jones' wasn't physically TOUGH, but they are the only two FILMS I've ever been ill on. On 'The Last Crusade,' I got sciatica. That's when the sciatic nerve, which GOES through the funny HOLE in your pelvis down your leg, swells and rubs against the NERVES.

It was LABOR Day weekend in 1983, and Dad hired me to RUN Mick's Lounge, a BAR he co-owned, for $200 a WEEK. The business was nearly bankrupt. But I said, 'Dad, I can fix it.' It was the most natural thing I'd ever done. It just MADE sense to me.

Most of my LIFE, I FEEL I have been Unicycling at the Edge of the ABYSS! If fact, this will be the NAME of my book if I ever write one, or a one man stand up routine. I have used it as the name of a collection of my musical compositions WRITTEN during the '90s. It fits the scary journey I feel I've been on.