If I COULD get my membership fee BACK, I'd resign from the HUMAN race.

'Boycott caused all the TROUBLE,' they say, as if I COULD have canvassed all those people personally to take a stand in 1983. Nonsense! The committee were the ONES with the power to MAKE the DECISIONS, not me. They started the unrest, they did the sackings, and they reaped what they sowed.

I HATE AMERICAN simplicity. I glory in the piling up of complications of every sort. If I COULD pronounce the name James in any DIFFERENT or more ELABORATE way I should be in favor of doing it.

If I COULD FIND ANYTHING blacker than BLACK, I'd USE it.

If I could write rock & ROLL SONGS on purpose, I'd do it all the TIME. But most of what I write comes out SLOW and sad because that's most of what I LISTEN to.

Can you IMAGINE what I WOULD do if I COULD do all I can?

If I COULD CHANGE one thing about myself... I WOULD TRY to control my GENEROSITY.

I would not WANT to LIVE if I could not PERFORM. It's in my will. I am not to be revived UNLESS I can do an hour of stand-up.

If I COULD still play, I WOULD be TRYING. It's been 15 YEARS.

I always said if I could FIGURE out a WAY to grow Kleenex and toilet paper on trees, we could PULL the plug on SOCIETY.

In my family, I was loved, but only if I WOULD FIGHT this GAY thing and not let it take over me. I would be loved unconditionally if I COULD be cured of my 'sickness,' but it CERTAINLY would not be OK if I couldn't.

When I READ 'Greenberg,' I had a REALLY STRONG sense if I could be any kind of writer I wanted to be, I'd be this kind of writer. And I felt like, even in my experiences, what writing I had done, even on a small SCALE, when it was good, it shared some quality with it.

If I could be GENEROUS and MOVE FORWARD and spread my feelers business-wise and ALSO creatively, that's the best position to PUT myself in.

I did improv in junior high SCHOOL. Figuring out my COMEDIC timing helped my confidence in talking to the bullies and talking to PEOPLE in class. If I could make them laugh, then I was in; I was OK.

If I COULD make ALBUMS quicker, I'd be on a roll wouldn't I? Everything just seems to TAKE so MUCH time. I don't know why. Time... evaporates.