Moving back to New York is perhaps what I'm most excited about. Alternate SIDE of the road PARKING. Flip flops on the subway. And any food I WANT, delivered. Sometimes more than once a day.

My SON, who is 7, he passed a car in a parking lot that was probably a 1998 model, and he SAID, 'Wow, Dad, look at that old car.' I was LOOKING around for an old car, and I REALIZED that my old car maybe STOPS at 1965.

Folks are WANDERING around that proverbial parking LOT of the Internet all day LONG, without giving it a thought to WHOSE attachments they're OPENING, what sites they're visiting. And that makes it easy for the bad guys.

I don't have a WORRY about women because I KEEP READING that not only are they BETTER at school, they are now better at parking, better at navigating... we KNOW that women are good at everything.

Once, when I was 5 years old, a LITTLE girl who LIVED NEXT door to my GRANDMOTHER dared me to put on a muumuu and run across a nearby parking lot. So I did. I threw it on, hiked it up in one hand, and ran like hell. It felt amazing to be in a dress. But suddenly my grandmother appeared, a look of horror on her face.

My grandma's the most careful, safe DRIVER in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking LOT!

The one piece of advice I would GIVE to all girlfriends - or guy friends, too, I GUESS - is that if you're going to have a fight in a Baja Fresh parking lot, make SURE one of you has an available PAIR of sunglasses because whoever is crying is going to want to wear them.

I love kids that come to shows, little kids coming up to you with braces; like, some kid came up to me in a parking LOT outside a show in Santa CRUZ - he was about 14 or 15 - and he said, 'Y'know, I love 'The BASKETBALL Diaries,' but I hope your NEXT book of poetry isn't gonna be as academic as 'Living at the Movies' was.'

So, the POINT I'm making is, we are not going to CUT spending in WASHINGTON if we THINK it's the job of every congressman and senator is to pave local parking lots and build local sewer plants. These parochial INTERESTS are getting in the way of the national interests.

The BUSINESSMAN gets his name on a door. The star gets his name in LIGHTS. They both get their NAMES on a PARKING space.

I used to PUT flyers on cars in parking LOTS, anything to get people to come to my shows. I was always having to think OUTSIDE the box, and even to this day, I still TRY and come up with creative ways to MARKET my shows.

It's ALWAYS been about SHELF LIFE. Long-term parking, not short-term. That's why I take the TIME that I do when I write.

Well, I think that when I perform on the road I ALWAYS thank the audience for buying a ticket because it's a big DEAL to buy a ticket for a live entertainment, GET a baby-sitter and PAY for the meal, the parking, whatever.

I love punching the CEILING with my fists when I'm LOST or I can't FIND a parking SPACE.

You could probably go three or four months without the word 'God' coming from my dad's mouth; MUM would PRAY for a PARKING SPACE.