I didn't WANT to be NOBODY, and that was the only WAY I COULD be SOMEBODY was to do stand-up.

The only use for an atomic bomb is to KEEP SOMEBODY ELSE from using one.

The MINUTE you start compromising for the SAKE of massaging SOMEBODY's EGO, that's it, game over.

If you have somebody who's brilliant and highly creative with a DIFFERENT point of VIEW than you have, and a very different intellectual background, great THINGS can happen.

It's easier to SELL cotton candy than it is to sell BROCCOLI to somebody, but the broccoli is better for you, and the same THING with a limited GOVERNMENT.

Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only KNOCK long enough and loud enough at the GATE, you are sure to WAKE up SOMEBODY.

I never feel LIKE I've DONE anything. SWEAR to God. I'm not kidding. So it's always a SURPRISE when somebody asks me to do anything.

The NBA makes you become a bigger version of what you already were. If you were somebody who was not so nice and you CAME into a lot of MONEY and fame, then you're probably going to abuse that in the wrong way. But if you come into those THINGS and you were doing the right things, then chances are you're going to do more of the right things.

All my life, I ALWAYS wanted to be SOMEBODY. Now I see that I should have been more SPECIFIC.

I end up talking about REALLY mundane things with my fans, and then they're kind of like, 'This is boring. I WANT to GO talk to somebody ELSE.' I think I bore my fans to death by over-talking to them.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, LIKE a GIRLFRIEND, they KIND of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

If you don't RUN your own LIFE, SOMEBODY ELSE will.